Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The Child Within

Many years ago, I received Reiki by a woman who was known for 'seeing things'. The kind of unexplainable things that would make great stories in the esoteric and new age categories of a bookstore - or an episode of Medium. She once told me that she saw a little five year old girl (that she believed to be the younger version of myself) skipping around saying "I don't want to, I don't want to". This made me laugh, for at the time I was having an inner battle with myself over whether or not to move house.

Over the years I would get a message from this woman (whose identity will remain concealed) saying that she'd seen the little skipping "I don't want to" girl, which incidentally was always during a time of major conflict. I began to notice this resistance. It was a strong feeling that came from within, and I began to wonder whether this was my inner child wanting to be heard.

I did not speak openly about this for many years for fear of sounding like a freak. Instead, I navigated through life in a constant battle with myself. Then, in March 2010, the time had come where I could no longer continue with this ongoing tug of war - it was exhausting. I felt like I was constantly in a muddy mess, spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. It was time to get traction.

By the time I created Project Grace 2010 in the lead up to my 40th birthday, I was grasping at straws. I gave myself permission to devote nine months towards the restoration of my mojo, a humorous alias for my self esteem. I wanted to rebuild a me that I wanted to be, and not settle for what I had turned into. In retrospect what I had done was stop and listen to the skipping little girl and in turn, she became the me who found her voice.

In my view, we have many facets that make us who we are. There can be no conflict within if we are only one dimensional. In my quest to heal and resolve my conflicting sides (that I dubbed the inner child and parent in me) there needed to be a truce. Project Grace 2010 turned out to be an act of stopping and listening to an inner voice that has been vying for my attention since I was officially labelled a 'grown up'. 

This reconciliation between the two sides has resulted in a deep sense of harmony. I am no longer fighting over myself over a bar of chocolate or whether or not I should go for a run. We share the same goals. We are a team. Now that I am no longer fighting myself, I have so much more energy to move forward. I'm almost scared to think of what could happen. But I won't think.... I'll just do. One step at a time.

Until tomorrow, takes steps in resolving your inner conflict and reconcile your opposing facets.

Grace xx


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